We’re headed into the fall months – time for cozy sweaters, a crackling fire in the hearth, and pumpkin spice and everything nice! But who knew that the return of crisp temperatures can put the kibosh on dating in Northern Ontario?
“It’s definitely hard to get out there (with) not very many places to meet people. We spend 7 months of the year in our houses because it’s so cold. We also have a smaller window of getting out and doing activities, bumping into new people, and meeting strangers.”
Kaitlin Senkus is a registered psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist with Creating Connection in Timmins, Ontario. She says that because we’re wired to be social beings, rolling solo when you’d really prefer to click with that special someone can exacerbate existing mental health conditions.
“I wouldn’t say that being single would cause any mental health concerns or problems but certainly if there’s anything present or underlying such as anxiety or depression and along with any negative core beliefs that we hold about ourselves such as “no one likes me” or “I’m unlovable” or “I’m not enough”, those things can certainly surface or be exacerbated by being single for a long period of time.”
A 2021 Statistics Canada report says that more than 1 in 10 people aged 15 and older said that they always or often felt lonely. In comparison, 3 in 10 said they sometimes felt lonely and 5 in 10 said that they rarely or never felt this way. The report also indicates that young women and people who are not in a couple report the highest levels of loneliness. Participants who said that they were lonely also experienced poorer mental health and lower levels of overall life satisfaction.
Loneliness seems to be such a global epidemic that both the UK and Japan have appointed a Minister Of Loneliness. In a joint statement the ministers say, “Connecting family, friends, neighbors, and supporters within our communities is a vital step to overcome loneliness, and our policies must support this.”
Kaitlin agrees that getting in real life facetime with friends and family is key to coping with feelings of loneliness when you’re single. An increased dependence on technology is a big contributor to isolation. While shooting off a text or social media message is a quick way to touch base it doesn’t do much for your dating life or your overall wellbeing. Kaitlin has 3 tips for maintaining good mental health while single.
Tip 1: Connect with people face to face or on the phone
“In this day and age, we’re really, really quick to send a text or Messenger or Snapchat to try to reach out to friends and family but we’re so disconnected when we do that. We’re not connecting on the same level as if you can sit across from somebody and have a cup of tea or coffee or you can make eye contact and feel somebody’s presence.”
Tip 2: Get out of the house
“Go get a coffee and make a point of smiling at the person who makes your coffee or the person who checks out your groceries for you. Choose to go to a cashier instead of a self-checkout so that you can make eye contact, so you can say hello and engage with somebody on a regular basis. They are just small things, but they can really add up and make an impact.”
Tip 3: Try new things and engage in hobbies.
Do things that you will fail at on purpose so that when you do meet somebody you have stories, you have things to share, things to talk about. If you’re going on that first date and that other person gives you that awkward “tell me about yourself”, you want to have things to share. You want to have hobbies and activities that you love that you can talk for hours about and make somebody really interested in wanting to talk with you more.
Of course, being single doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re pining for companionship. In fact, this is the ideal opportunity to develop a more meaningful relationship with yourself. Romantic relationships require give and take and some people often sacrifice their own interests to accommodate their partner. Many people who thrive without dating use the time to get in touch with themselves again by diving into the things that make them happy. Not only is this healthy both mentally and physically, having your own interests gives you something to share when that special person does come into your life. 
While there are fewer social opportunities in Northern Ontario it doesn’t necessarily have to be a dating desert. The region is rich with sports and recreation organizations, charities, and social events. More and more people are turning to online dating to connect with other local singles, and many sites have entire sections dedicated to the north. While some dating sites have a bad rep for being an online meat market, transparency in your profile can help filter out bad candidates.
“You can meet the person that you want to spend time with if you are clear about your intentions when you get on it,” Kaitlyn says. “If your intentions are to be in a fling and have some fun then that’s probably what you’re going to find. And, if your intentions are to have long conversations and to connect with somebody that you can enjoy quality time with then you’ll probably find that too.”
And when you do find it, Northern Ontario has the potential to be the ideal backdrop for romance! Meeting for the first time? How about taking in the fall colors on one of our many walking or ATV trails? And if you’re opting for the traditional “coffee date” for your first meetup, how about getting to know each other by a cozy campfire? You can’t do that in the city!
Need to talk? You can contact Creating Connection Couples and Family Therapy at www.creatingconnectioncft.com
Need some help with your relationship? Send us your questions and we’ll ask the experts!
