It used to be the standard behaviour for drivers – give a quick wave to say thank you when another motorist is courteous enough to let you in. I’m a devotee of “the wave”. Someone not giving the wave prompts me to mutter sarcastically under my breath, “You’re welcome.” My passive-aggressive vitriol is not limited to roads. Not saying thank you when I hold the door open will also incur my disgust. Are you really that self-absorbed? Or am I that insignificant that you can’t take 1.5 seconds for a simple thank you? Both possibilities are alarming.
I recently witnessed the rudest of the rude while standing in a very long line at the Walmart store in Huntsville. They opened a second cash register that everyone at the back of the first line stampeded to. I was left standing in line with an elderly woman in front of me. She was holding a cane, wore a brace on her leg, and had been standing in line even longer than I had. I was upset enough to say something to the manager on duty. Instead of moving the elderly customer to the front of the line the manager told me that she couldn’t control what other people did. Apparently being first in line to buy your spaghetti sauce is more important than having respect and compassion for a senior citizen.
Technology has bred a new form of rudeness. Have you seen someone who can’t look up from their device long enough to cross the street? And I LOVE watching someone who can’t put their phone down long enough to order a coffee. My other favourite is online bickering and name calling. Worse yet, I have multiple colleagues who have been harassed on social media and have even received death threats.
Rudeness can sometimes come across as a power play, and workers in the service industry seem to bear the brunt of it. Many people seem to think that they are entitled to be rude to service workers when they’re displeased. Experts have characterized it as a “civility crisis”, and one has to wonder if this rash of rudeness can be attributed to the pandemic. Did spending months apart make us forget how to interact with each other? Perhaps 2 years of heightened anxiety across the globe brought out the worst in us all. I distinctly remember saying to my husband about a year ago, “Is it just me or did everyone come out of isolation an a-hole?” With the easing of restriction, I’ve seen numerous businesses – including our local post office – post signs reminding patrons that abusive behaviour will not be tolerated. If that’s not ridiculous enough, my husband recently suffered a severe back injury that required him to be taken to hospital by ambulance. When the paramedics closed the doors – there it was. A reminder that abusive behaviour will not be tolerated. I think it’s safe to say that these notices are displayed out of necessity and not because someone wants to put them up. No abusive behaviour = no notices. It’s that simple.
What’s strikingly odd about this phenomenon is the stark contrast between acceptable conduct in public and acceptable behaviour in the workplace. Most workplaces have implemented zero tolerance policies. If you’re rude or abusive to a co-worker, you’re shown the door. So, why is it that we can contain our temper when the boss makes us stay late but not when the grocery store is out of your favourite bread? Do we have to make rules or be threatened with consequences for the sake of civility? That’s kind of like Billy getting a time out for shoving Sally in the lunch line, isn’t it?
To be fair, we have created a cutthroat culture that forces people to behave aggressively simply as a means of advocating for themselves. You can only be belittled and pushed out of the way so many times before you push back. It’s human nature and unfortunately, that’s becoming the norm instead of the exception. As someone so aptly put it to me, “Common sense and common manners aren’t so common anymore.”
I really want to believe in the inherent decency of people but the growing frequency of rude behaviour I witness makes it difficult. I’m so disturbed by rudeness that it was a contributing factor to our decision to relocate to Northern Ontario from the city. Hearing people say please and thank you again is like music to my ears but knowing that respect and courtesy is becoming a novelty is disheartening. Paying for your groceries should not be a case of survival of the fittest.
